February 2024

 February 2024

I am so sorry! I have been so bad at journaling. You are such a fun little boy! You are now 5 years old and ALL boy. For Christmas you wanted a bow and arrow, which you got! You had and continue to have so much fun shooting any and everything with it. Any random object quickly turns into a gun. You found an empty wrapping paper tube and within minutes you had placed your arm through it, aimed right at me, and fired! You shot point blank! haha, it made me laugh. I decided to hold you back a year and not start kindergarten in the fall. You are doing your third year of preschool, at a home nearby in our neighborhood. We walk to and from school each day, unless it is raining really hard. You try and convince me on snowy days to drive you, but I like walking and talking with you as we go! And you always end up liking it. You jump over a big hole in our neighbors yard, and like to race around the windy driveways. You are a fun boy! I am feeling so sad about sending you to school. Our school kindergarten has changed to a full day option, which makes me anxious. I don't want you gone all day at such a young age. I think it is too long to suddenly be forced away from a parent for that long amount of time. We will figure it out I guess! You have been getting so good at your reading. Dad reads BOB books with you every night, and you keep getting better and better. You could probably skip kindergarten at this point! You love to wrestle with dad more than anything, and ride bikes, jump on the trampoline- anything active. You adore your sisters and just love when they are home. Jayna is so patient wiht you and spends a good amount of time being silly and playing with you at your level. Charlotte and you moved into a room together over the summer, so now you share! You play wiht her, argue with her, but love being together. You have a space themed room right now. You make a giant mess in your room every quiet time, and then try and get charlotte to clean it up! You have been in a ski school this winter at Brighton resort, and you have loved skiing! You have a great attitude for the cold weather and have really imrpoved in your ski skills. 

We have taken a few vacations over the last few years. We did Mexico in 2020 when you were three, which you had so much fun on. We drove to south dakota in 2022 to see Mount Rushmore, go to Badlands and Custer national park. It was so amaizng and fun, and you did such a great job on the long car drive. You really enjoyed climbing rocks at badlands and climbing the huge boulders at devils tower. We have spent multiple trips in St.George, which is a family favorite. We love to swim, get treats from our favorite bakery, and hike the red rocks. We will go on our own or with a bunch of family. It's always fun with a big crowd of people! We had fun in Moab, hiking in canyonlands and arches national park, and of course more swimming! In April 2023 we went on a Disney cruise, which was epic. You enjoyed every minute of it. You espeically loved the unlimited soft serve and mickey ice cream bars! We had fun exploring different cities in mexico, but we all enjoyed going to Disney's private island the most. We swam in the ocean, ate good food, and went for a really fun bike ride around the island. We watched amazing disney plays at night, and all were SO tired on the way home. You were a delight to be with! We are trying to figure out what we will do this year. We will see!

I love you my sweet tyler. Each stage and age with you has been so fun. You love to play with your transformers, and cars, and pirate ship. You have opened my eyes to having a little boy, and I adore you! Thank you for being so sweet, cuddly, and one of my very best friends!

May 2021

 I think having four kids has made me really busy! I used to write multiple times a year in the journals, and here I am playing catch up on almost 3 years! That makes me sad. I'll do my best. 

Your first year of life was a delight! We had our ups and downs. I always get postpardum depression after each child, but this time I was able to figure out a medicine that helps me, and it made it much less than it was with other babies. Things were still difficult at times, but not unbearable. You were such a loved baby! Your sisters were little mothers. It took Charlotte a few months to really get interested in you, but once you were smiling and interacting a little more she discovered how fun a baby was! Your first word was "dada", and you were a mover! You loved to roll across the floor to get to toys. You also loved to be outside. We were very busy with all the girls and their activities, and you were my little buddy just being dragged everywhere. You were a typical baby- fussy at times, but mostly happy. I nursed you until about 13 months, and we were both ready to be done. You started walking at 13 months old, and once you were walking we were chasing you everywhere! You loved cars from the beginning. Once you discovered toys, cars were your preferred toy. For your first birthday you had a little mini cake which you loved! You ate and smashed it, with the biggest smile on your face. 

You were a harder one year old than I anticipated! You got much fussier, and complained (whined) frequently. I really did not enjoy that, but we weathered it. I think your communication skills were frustrating to you, and that you couldn't express your wants and needs better. During this year we moved from Bluffdale, Ut to Draper, Ut. Grandma and Grandpa took you and the girls overnight while dad and I moved the house and got the rooms unpacked. We have loved living in our new home. For your second birthday you had a car cake, and we went for a hike! You also got many cars and a new stride bike. You are now almost three and you still call it your happy birthday bike.  

2020, year of the Covid-19 pandemic:

Boy, was 2020 a crazy year! In February crazy news reports were coming out of China about a new virus. I remember talking to Dad about it and thinking that we would be okay. I went to Costco with you one weekend at the end of February and noticed people with multiple carts of food and supplies. I called Dad and asked if he thought we should stock up on some things. We figured it couldn't hurt, so I threw a few more things in my cart. I remember getting another thing of toilet paper, and boy was I glad for that! A few days after that our country said we would take a 2 week "pause" to help slow the spread of the virus, and to help our hospitals prepare. Schools shut down, and everyone was scared and confused. The media was making it sound very scary. I shut our whole family down, and would not let us see family for fear of infecting someone and hurting them. About 2 weeks after the lockdown started, we woke up to an earth quake! That was the day I broke down and cried and was very overwhelmed. So many things were hard. Dad was working from home, I had to homeschool/ virtual school, and I everyone was scared. By the beginning of May I was starting to realize that things were being blown out of proportion. I was no longer scared, and our State of Utah was allowing people to go to places with masks on. From that point on we lived our life as normal as we could. We wore masks everywhere, but we went out to eat, to museums, to parks, visit family, and in the fall the girls returned to school (with masks). Dad and I felt very lucky to live in Utah where we were allowed to do these things.  Many other states had no school all year, no parks, etc. I thought it was very anti-science, and a poor politicized response. I have been very disappointed in the leadership of our country. 

In February of 2021 we all flew to Mexico! We woke up bright and early, and you were SO excited. You were chanting and singing all the way to the airport. You were a great traveler. A few days before we left for Mexico you jumped off my bed, which is a normal thing for you to do, and you landed strangely and started screaming, and you would not stand on your foot. After a couple hours of still babying your foot, I took you to the dr. You had a very hairline/ toddler fracture. I couldn't believe it! They said to just have you wear your shoes around the house and sleep in. We carried you everywhere. It actually helped with the plane ride because you realized you couldn't move much. You had a great time in Mexico! You didn't love the beach as much as everyone else, but you really liked the smoothies we got on the beach each day. You loved the kids pools and slides, and after a few days in Mexico you were walking on your feet! We were nervous about it, but couldn't really stop you from doing it. We loved this trip with our family, it was so fun!

You love to ride your bike. You ride everywhere, and are so fast. It is a little scary to watch. You really enjoy riding your bike at the skate park. We have entered you into a little stride bike race during the summer. You still love cars and play with them most of your day. I think it is so cute to see you line all of them up, and see which cars are your favorites. You really like the tiny micromachines. You are a great speaker, and play hard all day. You love chase, and especially if dad plays "cops and robbers" with you. That consists of you two on bikes, with you riding after him yelling "citizen! citizen! you must go to jail!" It is so funny. You ask me at least 10 times a day what's for dinner. That is very annoying. You love to play with Charlotte, and I'm not sure what we will do when she starts kindergarten in the fall! you two are such good buddies. You also are very good at annoying your sisters. and taking their things. 

You have no fear when it comes to physical things, but anything else is a very big deal. You do not like the dr, dentist, anyone new, etc etc. You screamed and screamed this week at the dr's office when we needed medicine for an eye infection. I've signed you up for preschool this fall, and I'm nervous for how that will go. You haven't even had nursery at church because of the pandemic! We need to potty train you before you can go. We tried once a couple months ago, and you did awesome! you were going to the toilet consistently and you knew what to do. Then one day you decided you didn't like it and would have screaming fits every time we mentioned the toilet. I just stopped and put you back in diapers- it wasn't worth the fight. 

You are a strong willed boy, who loves fun, and loves your family! You are adored by all of us. I love you so very much. You have brought such a light into my life. We have been trying to have another baby, but it looks like it wont happen for us. I've had many miscarriages, and I don't think my body can carry another baby. I hold you extra tight, knowing you are my last everything! I treasure these days with you Tyler. You make all of our days better, and I'm excited to see who you will become!

 

August 15, 2018

My sweet Tyler.

Today is August 15, 2018. It has been one month and 3 days since you were born. I was so ready to meet you! My pregnancy with you was fairly typical- morning sickness the first trimester, being tired, etc. The sickness mostly wore off, but then I got some really bad hip pain that made it so I could barely walk, which was miserable. I began to see a pregnancy chiropractor and it made a significant difference to my hip pain- hooray! The weirdest part of the pregnancy happened the week before you were born. Around the 4th of July, I  began having some severe gastrointestinal issues (lots of diarrhea!), but I'll go into more detail with that momentarily.  You were an active baby, with lots of kicking. I remember going to the ultrasound to find out what gender you would be, and your dad was positive you were another girl, but I had the faintest thought you were a boy. However, I've thought all my babies were boys, so I didn't have much confidence in my mothers intuition. My biggest 'clue' was that I wasn't craving any sweets, just lots of chips! When the ultrasound tech said, "it's a boy!" we were both so surprised! Dad had her check one more time, and she was very confident. As we walked out of the appointment, dad said he still didn't quite believe it! I was just relieved that you were developing correctly, and so excited to have a baby boy.

We bought a few cupcakes and I filled them with blue frosting. We gave them to your sisters and had them take a bite to see what color was inside and inform them if the baby was a boy or girl. They took a bite and were very happy to be getting a brother! Jayna wanted to name you Geronimo.

The week before your birth I began having lots of diarrhea. I thought it was just a symptom of the pregnancy, and my body preparing for labor. I saw my dr after about 6 days of it continuing, and me not getting much nutrients. I was worried about dehydration, etc. My dr was on vacation, so the dr on call told me to go to labor and delivery to get some fluids just in case. This was at 4pm on July 11th. Dad came home from work to stay with your sisters, and I expected to be home in about 2 hours.  They began giving me fluids and monitoring contractions. When I arrived I was measured at 2cms. I was done getting the fluids after about an hour, and I was checked one more time. In that hour, I had progressed to a 4! I was shocked because I hadn't felt anything. They had me stay one more hour to see if I continued to dilate. I tend to have quick labors, so no one wanted me to go home and not make it back in time. After an hour I had dilated to a 5, and was told I was being admitted to have a baby! I called Steven, and he packed his stuff. Ashley came to spend the night with your sisters. Dad arrived around 9pm, and then we had to wait for the dr to come and break my water. The dr arrived at 11pm, and I was at 6.5cm, and I had really not felt much pain. It was crazy to me. Once my water broke, I began having intense labor. My contractions seemed really far apart at about 5 minutes apart. I bounced on a birth ball, which really helped me deal with the pain. I moaned and groaned, and my nurse asked if I wanted pitocin to speed up my contractions. I said no. Around 12:30 I felt a weird feeling- like I had to push, but not quite. The dr came in and said I was ready to push you out! I said, "oh no!! Now is the worst part. It's going to hurt so bad". And it did! But 10 minutes and 3 pushes later and you were in my arms. I held you for about 30 seconds, when the nurse whisked you away. She must have noticed you breathing hard, and wanted to check you out. You looked huge to me.  The nurses guessed you'd be about 7lbs, 8 ounces. You fooled us all and were 6lbs 7ounces! You continued to struggle to breathe, so they took you to the NICU for monitoring. Dad went with you while I was cleaned up.

I finally got to see you after 90 minutes of them observing me. You were on oxygen and something called vapotherm, which made it so you didn't breathe so quickly. I was so in love with you. I knew right away that your name was Tyler John. Tyler after your father, and John after your great grandfather. The other name we both liked was Ian, but I knew that you were a Tyler, and your dad secretly wanted that name the most. The nurses told us that you'd probably be in the NICU for 3-4 days. It broke my heart, but I knew you needed the extra help. I stayed with you much of that time. I went to bed on the 12th, and when I woke up to visit you around 6:30am, I was frightened to death. I walked into the NICU so happy and excited to see you, but you were covered in tubes, at 100% oxygen, and looked like you were going to die. They said you had started breathing too quickly and it blew a hole in your lung- a collapsed lung. The neonatologist then rushed in and said they were going to do a surgery right now, and then life flight you to another hospital with a larger NICU. I was a mess. I cried and cried, I prayed, I paced. My baby was dieing and I couldn't do anything. The surgery was to insert a tube in your right side to remove the excess air from your body. The tube was inserted successfully, and you and both flew in the helicopter to the new hospital. Once you were settled in, it was a waiting game. You were heavily sedated, because the dr said that having a tube in your side is very painful, so it was better to just be asleep through it. Miraculously, after 24 hours the hole in your lungs had healed, and they were able to remove the tube, and your intubated tube down your throat! That meant that dad and I could finally hold and cuddle you. It was such a sweet and wonderful moment to be able to touch and kiss my baby. Dad and I took shifts at the hospital to cuddle you. I'd go from about 8am to 12pm, and dad would come from about 2pm-5pm. Once you were allowed to eat milk, I was able to try and breastfeed you. The nurse told me to not expect much, especially because you had a breathing tube and a feeding tube down your throat. I went to try, and the nurse and I were both shocked that you latched right on and nursed! I was so happy.

You were in the NICU for 11 days. We spent so much time going back and forth, and trying to keep things normal at home for your sisters. It was such a wonderful day when we were able to to bring you home. My parents took your sisters for a couple days while you and I stayed home and cuddled and nursed. I was on cloud nine finally having you home. This past month has been so difficult and wonderful in many ways. After about 2 weeks of having you home, the exhaustion really set in. You wouldn't sleep unless someone was holding you, which makes for very long nights. Thankfully last week you began letting us put you down at night in your own crib, so now we are both getting better sleep. You are very alert when you are awake, and look everywhere!

September 25, 2018

I never finished journaling, so I am back to add some more. You are almost 11 weeks old, and things are going so much better. You are such a smiley little baby! You love it when I talk to you, and I try and talk to you and play with you as much as I can when you are awake. Your smiles are such a big paycheck for me! You nap pretty well, and sleep in 3-4 hour stretches at night. You still fuss quite a bit going to bed at night, but the past two nights have been better, so I'm hoping that becomes your new normal. Your sisters adore you, maybe a little too much! I have to make sure they are careful with you. You received your name blessing in church, and you cried for most of it. So many priesthood holders who love you were there to support us and bless you. You have brought so much love and light into our home. Newborns are always difficult for me, and you are no exception, but I find that my experience with you to be more peaceful and happy. I love you so much, and feel so connected to you. My little boy, you are so important in our family, so needed, so wanted. I prayed and prayed to be blessed with another baby, and how blessed am I that you were sent to me. I love you Tyler!